Joke Tuesday.

Whether 
Conservative, Liberal
 
or
 
Labor
 , I think 
you’ll get 
a kick out of
 
this! 

A little boy goes to his 
dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’ 

Dad says, ‘Well son, let 
me try to explain it this way: 

I am the head of the 
family, so call me The Prime Minister. 

Your mother is the 
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. 

We are here to take care 
of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. 

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. 

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’ 

So the little boy goes 
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. 

Later that night, he 
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. 

He finds that the baby 
has severely soiled his nappy. 

So the little boy goes 
to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. 
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.. 

He gives up and goes back to bed. 

The next morning, the 
little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ‘ 

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words 
what you think politics is all  about.’


The little boy replies, ‘The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. 
The People are being ignored and 
the Future is in deep shit.’
This entry was posted on May 13, 2014. 5 Comments

Pub news.

Busy today again. There was a wake in the pub today, with about 80 mourners. Just as they started filing in the CD player started playing Simple Minds, “Alive and Kicking” !!!!

This entry was posted on May 8, 2014. 2 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. 

 

 

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. 

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, 
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful  that he
begins to cry. 

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong. 

“I feel terrible,” he explains,
“I accidentally hit the Easter
Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM.”
 


The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” 

She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead 
Easter Bunny, bends down, 
and sprays the contents onto him. 

The  Easter Bunny jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, 
hops another ten feet,
 
turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
“What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?” 

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says.

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

 

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

It says,

“Hair Spray 

Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave.”

This entry was posted on May 6, 2014. 6 Comments

Pub news.

Packed again today. All tables booked and the back room too!

Had a good laugh with one of my old mates who I see now and then.

The usual suspects were all in yesterday, as it was my turn to pay for the food! Having known each other for 35/40 years there is an understanding of trust between us, so, I know that the next few weeks I’ll eat for free!

This entry was posted on May 4, 2014. 7 Comments

Pub news.

Another fun Bank holiday lunchtime with the lads!

Fairly quiet  as lots of people are away, freezing their thingies off on the East coast! No thanks!!

Skegness is like Leicester-by-the-sea! 😦

This entry was posted on April 18, 2014. 2 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around
his neck: “I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can’t tell anybody.”
 
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance
Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

” Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma? ”

“Yes… speaking”

Reliance guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the Reliance guy.

“What are you saying? It’s in your files …HOW?????”

” Yes ………….. .. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue ”

” GOD!!!!!!… …….. This is too much…….. ..”

“Madam, I am sorry… I am following orders…. I have to inform you
are overdue”

“I know that … let me talk to my husband about this tonight. …. He
will speak to your company tomorrow ”

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes
to Reliance office the next day morning.
 

“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.

“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at Reliance, “it’s
nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”

“PAY you? And if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.”

“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.

“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.”
                     

This entry was posted on April 15, 2014. 2 Comments

Pub news.

Unusually busy this lunchtime (for a Monday), after yesterdays manic Sunday!

One of my mates who i’ve known for 40 years popped in on a rare weekday off and we had a good natter!