Joke Tuesday.

 
 
 
 
 
Confucius – One Smart Man!!!
       
Confucius Say:
It’s ok to let a fool kiss you,
but don’t let a kiss fool you.
  
Confucius Say:
A kiss is just shopping upstairs
for downstairs merchandise.
  
Confucius Say:
It is better to lose a lover
than love a loser.
  
Confucius Say:
Man with a broken condom
is called a Daddy
 
Confucius Say:
A drunken man’s words
are a sober man’s thoughts.
  
Confucius Say:
Marriage is like a bank account.
You put  it in, you take it out,
and you lose interest.
  
Confucius Say:
Viagra is like Disneyland …
a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
  
Confucius Say:
It is  much better to want the mate you do not have
than to have the mate you do not want.
  
Confucius Say:
A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don’t get  it.
 
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This entry was posted on July 15, 2014. 3 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

Subject: Passwords – so true

Password

Please set a password to register.

cabbage

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

boiled cabbage

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

1 boiled cabbage

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

50soddingboiledcabbages

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

50SODDINGboiledcabbages

Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
50SoddingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYours,IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50SoddingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYoursIfYouDontGiveMeAccessImmediately

Sorry, that password is already in use !

This entry was posted on July 8, 2014. 6 Comments

Pub news.

Another packed Sunday lunch/afternoon/evening, although I don’t do the evening shift!!

There was a twist to the day, however. When I arrived, on time, my space at the usual table where my wheelchair goes was taken!! My good mate, the beer monster soon sorted things out and normal service was resumed.

The reason for this was the annual gathering (180) of the “Goodacre” clan. The family own about half the properties in three local villages. There was an all female Morris type dance troupe, but I couldn’t get out to get any photos! They came from all over the world, Chile being the farthest away.

Back to normal today!

Joke Tuesday.

 A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the  wedding, he laid down the following rules:

‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time   
I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you.   
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless   
 I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.   
 I’ll  go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing   
 when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you   
 give me a hard time about it.   
Those are my rules.  Any comments?’ 
           
 His new bride said:   
 ‘No, that’s fine with me.  Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.’ 
 
With thanks to my good friend, Karelian Blonde!
This entry was posted on July 1, 2014. 1 Comment

General drivel.

Nearly the end of June. Wimbledoom has started, Glastonbury has started, so, naturally it’s p*ssing it down and i’ve just put the gas fire on!! (13c)!

😦

This entry was posted on June 28, 2014. 4 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

Remember those days?

 
It   was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and James had a date  with Annabella.

He  arrived at her house and rang the bell.. 

‘Oh,  come on in!’ Annabella’s mother said as she welcomed James. 

‘Have  a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to  drink? Lemonade?  Tea?’

‘Tea,  please,’ James said. Mum  brought the tea.

‘So, what are you and Annabella planning to do  tonight?’ she asked interestedly.

‘Oh,  probably go to the flicks  and then maybe  grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk  on the beach afterwards.’

‘Annabella  likes to screw, you know,’  Mum informed him.

‘Really?’James gasped, surprised to say the least. 

‘Oh yes,’ mother continued, ‘When she goes out with her friends,  that’s all they do!’

‘Is that so?’ asked James,  incredulously.

‘Oh  yes,’she said.

‘As a matter of fact,she’d screw all night if we let  her!’

‘Phew!  Well, thanks for the tip!’ James  said as he  began thinking about alternative plans for  the evening.

A moment  later, Annabella  came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture,  wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy  ponytail.

She greeted James..

‘Have fun, kids!’ mother said as  they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella  burst into the house and slammed the front door behind  her.

‘The Twist, Mum!’  she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.

‘The  bloody dance is called the ……. Twist!’ 

This entry was posted on June 24, 2014. 3 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

A Testimony to true friendship
A man brings his friend home for dinner unannounced at 5.30 p.m. after work.
His wife screams at him, as his friend listens in,
“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess,
the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pyjamas, and I can’t be
bothered with cooking tonight!
What the hell did you bring him home for?”

“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

This entry was posted on June 17, 2014. 3 Comments