Confucius – One Smart Man!!!
It’s ok to let a fool kiss you,
but don’t let a kiss fool you.
A kiss is just shopping upstairs
for downstairs merchandise.
It is better to lose a lover
than love a loser.
Man with a broken condom
is called a Daddy
A drunken man’s words
are a sober man’s thoughts.
Marriage is like a bank account.
You put it in, you take it out,
and you lose interest.
Viagra is like Disneyland …
a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
It is much better to want the mate you do not have
than to have the mate you do not want.
A joke is like sex.
Neither is any good if you don’t get it.
Subject: Passwords – so true
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Another packed Sunday lunch/afternoon/evening, although I don’t do the evening shift!!
There was a twist to the day, however. When I arrived, on time, my space at the usual table where my wheelchair goes was taken!! My good mate, the beer monster soon sorted things out and normal service was resumed.
The reason for this was the annual gathering (180) of the “Goodacre” clan. The family own about half the properties in three local villages. There was an all female Morris type dance troupe, but I couldn’t get out to get any photos! They came from all over the world, Chile being the farthest away.
Back to normal today!
‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.
I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?’
His new bride said:
‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.’With thanks to my good friend, Karelian Blonde!
Nearly the end of June. Wimbledoom has started, Glastonbury has started, so, naturally it’s p*ssing it down and i’ve just put the gas fire on!! (13c)!
Remember those days?
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and James had a date with Annabella.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell..
‘Oh, come on in!’ Annabella’s mother said as she welcomed James.
‘Have a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Tea?’
‘Tea, please,’ James said. Mum brought the tea.
‘So, what are you and Annabella planning to do tonight?’ she asked interestedly.
‘Oh, probably go to the flicks and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk on the beach afterwards.’
‘Annabella likes to screw, you know,’ Mum informed him.
‘Really?’James gasped, surprised to say the least.
‘Oh yes,’ mother continued, ‘When she goes out with her friends, that’s all they do!’
‘Is that so?’ asked James, incredulously.
‘Oh yes,’she said.
‘As a matter of fact,she’d screw all night if we let her!’
‘Phew! Well, thanks for the tip!’ James said as he began thinking about alternative plans for the evening.
A moment later, Annabella came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted James..
‘Have fun, kids!’ mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
‘The Twist, Mum!’ she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.
‘The bloody dance is called the ……. Twist!’
the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pyjamas, and I can’t be
bothered with cooking tonight!
“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”