Archive | August 2014

Joke Tuesday.

*Stay  Off Your Bicycle*
 
*My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer)  could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found  that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears.
He cleaned both  ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell  Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to  the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears  once a month. *
*Andrea went to the store and bought some  “Nair” hair remover. *
*At the register, the pharmacist told  her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant  for a few days.” *
*Andrea said, “I’m not using it under my  arms.” *
*The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your  legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.” *
*Andrea  replied, “I’m not using it on my legs either.
 If you  must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.” *
The pharmacist  said, “Well, stay off your bicycle for at least a week
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This entry was posted on August 26, 2014. 10 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

 Seniors:

    Hints on how to liven up your idle hours…

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

  1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars…watch ’em Slow Down!
  2. On all your cheque stubs, write ‘For Marijuana’! 3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
  3. Order a Diet Water with two ice cubes and no sharp edges whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 5. Sing Along At The Opera. 6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’
  4. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives!  They’re Loose!’
  5. Tell Your Children over dinner:  ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go…

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

 

 

  1. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.      It’s called ‘therapy’! and I sure need some of that.
This entry was posted on August 19, 2014. 2 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

Subject: The Black Bra

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
 
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
 
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
 
Here’s how it all went.
 
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
 
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
 
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”
This entry was posted on August 12, 2014. 3 Comments

No joke today.

jakeJake, an old favourite of the pub dogs has, sadly, gone to the big kennel in the sky. He was 14, but had gone deaf and blind, and the back legs had gone, so Roger, his owner did the honourable thing.

I wish they did this for humans too!!

 

This entry was posted on August 5, 2014. 7 Comments