Archive | April 2014

Joke Tuesday.

Joke Tuesday.

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This entry was posted on April 29, 2014. 4 Comments

Pub news.

Another fun Bank holiday lunchtime with the lads!

Fairly quiet  as lots of people are away, freezing their thingies off on the East coast! No thanks!!

Skegness is like Leicester-by-the-sea! 😦

This entry was posted on April 18, 2014. 2 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around
his neck: “I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can’t tell anybody.”
 
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance
Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

” Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma? ”

“Yes… speaking”

Reliance guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the Reliance guy.

“What are you saying? It’s in your files …HOW?????”

” Yes ………….. .. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue ”

” GOD!!!!!!… …….. This is too much…….. ..”

“Madam, I am sorry… I am following orders…. I have to inform you
are overdue”

“I know that … let me talk to my husband about this tonight. …. He
will speak to your company tomorrow ”

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes
to Reliance office the next day morning.
 

“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.

“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at Reliance, “it’s
nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”

“PAY you? And if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.”

“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.

“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.”
                     

This entry was posted on April 15, 2014. 2 Comments

Pub news.

Unusually busy this lunchtime (for a Monday), after yesterdays manic Sunday!

One of my mates who i’ve known for 40 years popped in on a rare weekday off and we had a good natter!

Joke Tuesday.

I know, but I smiled! 
 
 A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and
felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”
The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, “‘ave ya ever been ***d, laddie?”
The man broke into a big smile and said, “No”.
She said, “Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in.
This entry was posted on April 8, 2014. 3 Comments

General rubbish!

I had a couple of small bets on the Grand National today. Horses that I’d pulled out in the pub’s sweepstake.

One faller, and a 3rd, which won me £11-25 at the bookies, plus what I get from the sweep. Not bad for a £14-00 outlay, as the sweep money will be £20-00+. 🙂

This entry was posted on April 5, 2014. 4 Comments

Joke Tuesday.

A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, ‘Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.It’s called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.

There’s no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..’
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he’s never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.
Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too, getting £380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, ‘Son, I’ve been here 20 years and I’ve never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!’
‘Lucky?’ he screamed.
‘Lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got Yellow 24 .’
Bugger me,’ says the bingo caller.
‘You’ve won the raffle as well !
This entry was posted on April 1, 2014. 7 Comments